Monday, 2 December 2013

My first birthday without you...

Hey hey hey, so sorry for the lack of attention on my blog lately... To be honest since I started my current job in August the commuting is taking up the majority of my time! Kinda feel there's not enough hours in a day!

Saturday 30th November
Today I turn 25 (sorry if I'm delayed posting this post, this post has been really tough to prepare). 
For you regular readers, you are aware I lost my beloved mother back in June this year. 
Since losing her, of course the first few weeks was agony, the fear and pain is actually indescribable but I some how with the help of my family and friends found a way to get on with my life, I started work, I commuted crazy hours and dealt with the pain of no longer having her around. 
However today I woke up and not that the pain ever went away but it just felt a million times tougher to deal with, call it my moment of weakness I guess... I cried in the morning wiped away my tears and said "no more tears for today." Obviously that wasn't the case. I later went to visit Ma at the cemetery, at first I was fine, I started telling her what I had for birthday and my tears must of drowned the yard, as silly as it sounds, although I am fully aware of what's happened, it was a moment of realisation I would never be able to share "what I had for birthday" with her again... god even typing that is so difficult.  I really wish I could share my gifts with you every year but I hope your overlooking me and saying to me 
"ooh that lipstick shade would look better on me...!" just like old times Ma!

I wanted this to be a dedication to her and to let her know I'll never ever forget her, never forget the amazing things you did and were. 

This lovely perfect faux fur coat is by far my all time favourite coat. This was actually the last birthday present I had off her... The colour is gorgeous and I kinda feel proper "madam" wearing it haha! The coat is by 'Antoni & Alison.' Mum actually found it in TK Maxx! Actually I found it and tried it on and she loved it so much she said she would buy it for me as a birthday gift. 
Thank you ma, it's perfect and I adore it!!  I'll always wear it and think of you every time I do. 

It's my Ma's birthday next week 7 days away from mine then it's the big challenge for me... Christmas... I'm certain she will provide me the strength to pull through. 

Love you more than you could ever know... x

Moving on... even though I told friends and family I didn't want today to be a big deal I somehow still got spoilt rotten...

Big Big thank you to all my friends and family who wished me happy birthday, texted me, bought me cards, bought me presents, etc etc!

Much appreciated and I adore you all!!! 
I shall be making outfit posts, make up/beauty reviews on all the above so keep posted!



  1. So sorry that I couldn't be there for what must have been another tough day. Just have to keep believing that things will eventually become easier and days will go by regardless so must keep smiling.

    Miss you!

    Kaka x

  2. Lea,
    Your mummy will be so proud of you and I know that, her baby daughter is 25 already.
    It must have been upsetting to not be able to celebrate with your mama in person, but her heart and soul were most definitely with you!
    I really hope you enjoyed your day, and I love all the goodies ;) Hope you have a fantastic year and hope you will only get prettier and prettier in the years to come!!!

    J E S S | J Y U K I M I . C O M